“Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don’t collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don’t really mean anything.”
~ Norman Lear ~

Clients come to me for many different issues and challenges. Sometimes the goals they have at the beginning of our work together, look and feel unattainable to them from where they are at that point.

Isn’t that true for all of us?

The change we desire is precisely because there’s a huge gap between where we are and where we want to be. And because there’s such a big gap, we assume that we must make massive changes in one big leap to get there.

Are Massive Changes Realistic?

Most often, no. What I see more often in my practice is the life-changing magic of small, consistent successes. So small sometimes, that they could be overlooked.

In the first session with a client, we go through a process to identify which problems they want us to work on, and what they want instead of those issues.

I notice time and time again that the “What they want instead” does not appear suddenly, in one massive leap, nor all in one go.

There are usually many, many small successes along the way. And that’s why in just about every session, we start off with “What went well last week?” It gives the client a chance to focus on how they (and circumstances) have changed from the day we started on our journey together.

Rushing Past Small Successes

Very often, these weekly successes are deemed “small” by clients. Their habit is to whoosh straight past those tell-tale signs of change.

I’ve had countless clients recount a “What went well this week” moment in a rush… without even the slightest pause to validate and acknowledge the amazing changes they did make.

I always pause them by saying something like “Can we pause here for a moment? Did you hear what you’ve just told me??” And then I remind them of how things were very different for them just a few short weeks or months before.

Those successes might not be big for someone else. But for my clients who are mostly sensitive souls, making even small changes in relationships and how they behave around others is a big deal.

An Example: Nancy (name changed for privacy)

Here are 3 examples of mini-successes that would have been a miracle for them just a short while ago.

Nancy came to me to heal childhood issues. She loves her 2 beautiful, independent and smart daughters. And yet, they are sometimes her painful triggers. She’s proud that she raised them to be individuals with strong opinions. And at the same time, their opinions can be hurtful to her as a sensitive person.

Nancy is working with me to understand and heal these triggers. Instead of feeling triggered, hurt and rejected, she wanted to be able to respond in a different way.

Triggers and our Strategies

In one session, we worked together to unearth the strategy she usually uses when she feels reactive to a comment. Then, we found some traumatic moments in her own childhood that contributed to creating this kind of response in her.

Important Sidenote: I teach my clients that all the behaviours we want to ‘get rid’ of in ourselves now, was once a strategy we learned as a child — to survive. Those behaviours served us well … until they no longer work for us as adults. And that’s when we decide we need to change. So they’re not bad or wrong — they’ve helped us and we don’t summarily kick them out. That never works, in fact.

So to Continue with Nancy’s Story:

We found the place in her childhood where the original reaction was useful and cleared all the emotion and beliefs in those events, with EFT. Next, she decided what strategy she’d much rather use in future. Because of a huge insight during the EFT work, she could choose a very different strategy than before. We practiced that a few times during the session.

What Went Well?

In Nancy’s next session, she was excited to share that she could use her new strategy without being triggered! Her eyes were shining. She could ask her daughter some calm questions this time, instead of feeling on the backfoot like in so many previous incidents.

That small (but massive to her) behaviour change was very meaningful to her. A life-changing small piece of magic that carried huge weight and relief in her world.

One more fascinating point about Nancy’s success: she didn’t notice her new behaviour as it happened.

It was only when she listened to the session recording a few days later, that she suddenly remembered what we worked on. And instantly she recalled how she was able to use the new strategy seamlessly, effortlessly and calmly — without thinking about it.

Another Few Successes for Nancy

In another enormous success that developed over many months through many small steps, Nancy is now a fully-fledged EFT practitioner with paying clients.

When she started working with me, she had already attended an EFT course a few years prior, but did not have the confidence to use the technique or start a practice. Over the months of us working together, she gained confidence as she repeated EFT courses and attended new ones.

She discovered scary, new areas on the journey to becoming a practitioner: niching, the first discovery call, creating the first contract, stating her fees the first time, having the very first session with a paying client.

Each one of these steps meant new fears and beliefs holding her back had to be addressed and cleared. Each one a mini success in its own right, celebrated by us every week. And look at where she’s now! An EFT practitioner helping others, in the same way that EFT was helpful on her journey towards more freedom.

I’m so darn proud of Nancy and how hard she’s worked to get there. And I know she is, too.

Another success for her is that she can now see how far she’s come. For a long time, it was hard for her to notice progress or accept a compliment. More life-changing magic, right there.

In Summary:

When we make changes in our lives, we don’t always recognize the small ones. Partly because we want those huge leaps — which might be a bit unrealistic given how long we’ve had our problem.

Those step-changes might be small to someone else, yet so significant to us. If we don’t pause to look back and see where we came from, it’s so easy to overlook our small successes.

And over time, many small successes like these add up to ‘life-changing magic’ and a whole new life that we could not have imagined just a year ago!

Is there something you’re struggling with? Some change you desire but you’re not sure if you can do it? Please get support. Introverts and sensitive people especially need to work in small, do-able steps that don’t feel overwhelming.

Reflection for you:

• Where have you been discounting your own small successes?
• Where can you acknowledge and celebrate even the tiniest success?
• How have small successes added up to a bigger one in your life even years later?