On my first morning back in South Africa to visit my mom (she’s been living with Parkinson’s for 14 years), I found myself sitting on the rocks along the Margate beach.

The waves kept rolling in that steady, familiar rhythm… yet inside me, everything felt shaky.

I had come for six weeks to be with Mom and sort out a few practical things. And to be honest, I arrived carrying more than just my heavy suitcase.

I carried memories of previous visits: the emotional weight, the responsibility, the exhaustion of trying to hold everything together, while I also felt like running away.

This time, I really wanted things to be different. I pondered this while watching the waves:

“How can I do this visit differently?”

On the day I left for SA, a very dear friend said something that stayed with me:

“Today, can you meet every feeling as if it were Love itself?”

It didn’t instantly fix anything… the day I left Andrew behind was still excruciatingly hard. On the way to the airport, my nervous system went into overdrive with dizziness, nausea, and buzzy arms and legs. It was horrible, and I was almost considering canceling my flight.

And at the same time, those kind words brought a tiny bit of relaxation and kindness in how I was able to meet those challenges.

And then, sitting there on the rocks that first morning, watching the ocean, a surprising idea came to me:

“What if I chose one supportive word for each day?”

Gentleness instead of perfection

I knew how easily I could turn things into pressure. So I made an agreement with myself: I wouldn’t try to do the word perfectly.

On top of that, I invited the word to come and meet me. I wanted to experience what it would be like to be met halfway, instead of ‘having to make it happen’. I wanted to let go of the endless responsibility I was so used to feeling.

The first day

Before I even shared my ‘Word of the Day’ idea with Pieter (for gentle accountability), I chose my first idea — the one he generously shared with me before I left:

“Meet all the feelings as if they were Love.”

That day, on the first visit to my mom, difficult feelings came up almost immediately. She was much slower and more confused than when I had last seen her, only 4 months ago.

I felt sad, helpless, and responsible to try and fix it (ridiculous, I know)… and that familiar tension when I want things to be different.

This time, thankfully, with a lot of Grace, I remembered my phrase.

I let those feelings be there, and I met them with as much softness as I could. As if everything about the situation was Love itself.

Something truly shifted for me. I felt calmer, more patient. More able to stay present with mom, instead of getting caught in my own reactions.

A couple of days later, I chose a very different word:

Joy.

It felt like a stretch, to be honest.

So I kept it very simple. I just looked for small moments — anything that brought even a flicker of lightness.

That morning, I noticed the sparkles on the sea. Tiny points of light dancing on the water. It lifted something in me straight away. I also took delight in the gorgeous picture in the foam of my cappuccino, and a hill bathed in soft sunlight, while I had my morning coffee on the balcony. Small moments, each of them lifting me for a few seconds.

Later that day, my dear accountability friend sent me this message:

“If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you will have less joy, but the same amount of snow.” I laughed when I read it! Because that was exactly what I was experiencing.

The situation hadn’t changed. The challenges were still there. But I was able to notice tiny sparks of joy alongside it.

On another day, I chose:

Trust.

I had two client sessions scheduled, and I was aware of a bit of tension in the background. I wasn’t sure whether the mobile internet connection would hold, or whether I would be able to focus fully in an unfamiliar room.

Instead of fretting ahead of time, I chose this word to support me. And guess what… everything flowed. The connection held. I felt fully present with my clients.

Later that day, I noticed something I had completely overlooked before.

In the hallway where I was staying, there was a blackboard with a verse written on it — all about trusting.

I had walked past it before, and not really seen it until that day.

It made me wonder how often something supportive is already there… and we only notice it when we are ready for, or look out for it.

Another word I chose was:

Kindness.

My mom had a painful procedure booked that day, and we were both expecting it to be as painful as in the past.

Yet — the whole experience unfolded so differently.

The brand new carer with us was gentle and supportive. She taught my mom to place her hand on her heart and say ”I am brave, I am strong. I am going to be okay.” The procedure itself happened without pain (What?! Every other one was so painful!). Even the receptionist felt warm and welcoming.

It felt like kindness was woven through the entire day. It came to us!

And then there was a day when I chose:

Lightness.

By that point, things had felt quite heavy for a while.

Holding that word in my awareness brought a sense of space, even if only in small moments.

That very day, though, something difficult happened. My mom’s favourite carer unexpectedly resigned.

Oofffff, that was hard. My heart dropped into my stomach when I heard the news. Nothing about it felt light! I almost laughed (and not with glee!) when I thought about my word.

On reflection, choosing my word didn’t change what happened. But it did influence how I was able to be with it. There was a tiny bit more room to breathe inside the heaviness.

Did my Word make everything easy?

Hell, no. Looking back, this practice didn’t remove any challenges on the visit. But it gave me something solid to return to, over and over.

A simple word, like a little anchor. A gentle reminder that I didn’t have to carry everything in the same way as before.

And most often, I didn’t have to go searching for the quality, or ‘make it happen’. It would appear all by itself, in small, unexpected, and surprisingly lovely ways.

Could this practice support you?

If you’re walking through something that feels difficult or uncertain right now, you might like to try it.

Below, some ideas you could try to make a start.

Reflection and Pondering

• What feels most present in your life right now?
• If today had a “tone” or “flavour,” what would it be?
• What might support you in meeting this day more gently?
• Have you ever tried to “think positively” when life felt hard?
• What felt supportive… and what didn’t?

Journaling Prompts

• If today had one word to support me, it would be… because…
• What would it look like to support myself — without needing life to change first?

Mini EFT Tapping Rounds

A simple few minutes of tapping can be so supportive, too.

Side of the Hand: “Even though today feels a bit full/uncertain, I’m open to meeting it gently.”

Then tap through the body points with phrases like:

• “This moment”
• “All that I’m carrying”
• “It’s a lot — too much for me”
• “All the uncertainty”
• “I wish there was more certainty and ease”
• “Allowing a little more ease (or the word you chose)”
• “Letting today meet me too”
• “Allowing more (ease/your word)

And if things aren’t going as well as you’d hoped, try this round:

Side of the Hand: “Even though things aren’t going how I hoped, I’m open to finding a different way to be with this.”

Tap through the points with phrases like these — make it your own, with your truth:

• “This disappointment (name your own emotion)”
• “This heaviness”
• “I wish things were different”
• “This is not going according to my plans”
• “It’s not turning out well”
• “Maybe I can soften, just a little”
• “Maybe there’s a different way to be with it”

Honestly, you don’t have to do any of it perfectly. I recommend an attitude of experimentation and curiosity.

See if you can let a simple word accompany you.

I’d love to hear what you noticed. Please let me know if you have questions or have tried it.