“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy,
for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves;
we must die to one life before we can enter into another.”
— Anatole France –

Can you think of something you hated at first, yet after a while you either got used to it or even (secretly) started liking it a bit?

When I wrote this article in November 2023, I was preparing for a 5-week trip to South Africa to visit my mom with Parkinson’s.

The 12-hour flight means it’s worthwhile going for an extended time. Plus — flights are extremely expensive over December. To get the best price, we had to go early in December, and return after the biggest demand was over in mid-January.

Good things and challenges

This long trip had a lot for me to look forward to.

Mom lives at the coast, so on every trip, I make a point of a walk at the beach every day. There would be precious time with family, coffee and rusks * on the patio, sunshine, blue skies, colour and flowers, frangipani’s… all these things feel like an absolute gift through the long, grey UK winter where I live.

(* Note: if you’re not South African: a rusk is a ‘twice baked bread’ that we dunk in coffee or tea. Traditional and very yummie!)

Then on the other hand — if you know about South Africa’s troubles — there would also be challenges, like electricity shortages. That meant no aircon in the heat, less sleep at night because of buzzing, eager mosquitoes and hot, damp air! Mom lives in a subtropical area and the heat at night can be unbearable to sleep in.

Just like real life — a bit of everything.

Separation

This would also be the 3rd year that Andrew and I would spend a lengthy December holiday apart. His dad and my mom are on opposite sides of South Africa. Travel arrangements become very complex if we try to split time with both families. We each want to make the most of the time with our remaining parents, since we know there are probably not many years left with them. We are so far away and can visit only once a year.

So this particular holiday came with bitter-sweet feelings. We’d be able to spend time with our own families, yet be apart for a long time.

That can be hard for me. I need my 5 hugs a day on a normal day. One of my love languages is physical touch. Andrew is my rock and support. And when things are tough, I need his hugs even more.

And… human beings are adaptable

Maybe you’ve noticed too, how we can get used to things we hated or disliked at first.

I detested the wet, cold UK winters when we arrived in the winter of 2017. Now, after a few of them, I’m used to it, and sometimes even go for walks in the rain. In South Africa, I would never have done so. I waited for bright weather to get my exercise in — and fortunately, it was plentiful. Here in the UK, not so much.

The first trip alone

I hated the first week of our first trip to SA after the pandemic in December 2021. That was the initial time Andrew and I decided to each maximize time with our own families, separately. I felt so lonely with all the difficult experiences with both my parents not being well. We did have a zoom call every day… though usually by the end of the day — when we were both already tired, a bit frayed around the edges, and not so patient anymore.

What I added to get through it

After a week of that, I realised I’d need to add other resources to get through it. I adapted. Sink or swim, and I very much did not want to drown.

I added a daily walk at the beach, morning meditation and writing time. And the next year, 2022, the same circumstances weren’t quite as hard because I knew I’d done it before, and I’d get through it again.

We can, indeed, grow from difficulties.

Change

Change can be hard. Doing difficult things alone can be hard. Getting used to new circumstances can be sooo hard.

I’ve written many articles about change and transformation. You might enjoy this one that I wrote before we moved to the UK. It includes many tips.

In times of change especially, we need resources to support us — even little things that can uplift and help us to focus on sparks of joy in every (difficult or mundane) day.

Summary of the ‘little things’ that uplifted me on the 5-week trip:

• A morning walk on the beach almost every day.
• Short meditations as often as I could.
• A Zoom call with Andrew earlier in the day, when we were both still feeling good
• An afternoon walk in the retirement village where mom lives, and admiring the subtropical plants that we don’t see in the UK.
• Lots of EFT tapping, even while walking on the beach, to clean out the emotional cobwebs.
• Finding silly things to laugh at, even with mom’s carers (we had some very funny moments with them).

These can seem small and insignificant… yet added up, a lot of little things can make an enormous difference. As an introvert, I resist the thought of ‘Massive Action’. I think some of my fellow HSP introverts would agree with me about taking baby steps, and keep making progress that way.

What are your go to’s for when you’re in the midst of change?

I’d love to hear from you.