My husband and I had a discussion over the weekend. We were talking about the patterns we all have that keep repeating over and over. And the emotions we have as a result of those patterns… and even some of the patterns that repeat because we have certain emotions.
Someone that feels anxious about a friend’s reaction, so they don’t say no.
Then, because they keep saying yes, they have way too much on their plate. That leads to overwhelm and feeling anxious about everything that needs to get done. It all feels urgent.
Emotions that lead to results… and results that lead to emotions.
I love this quote of Carl Jung to explain what happens here:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
The way I frame it:
We have to bring a torch and shine the light into the dark corners of our inner being. If we don’t – the beliefs, emotions and stories that hide out in those corners, are the TRUE creators of our lives.
First, difficult experiences create emotions. Those emotions lead to our beliefs.
And then, those beliefs continue to lead to emotions. Emotions drive our behaviour most of the time, whether we realise it or not. If we don’t “make conscious” what our emotions and beliefs are, we will be motivated and driven by those hidden figures in the dark recesses of our minds.
It’s not always a comfortable process. And that’s why many people shy away from it.
The thing is….
Staying in our patterns and “comfort zone” is not comfortable either.
We’re not content with the way things are. We say we want change. More money, better relationships, a bigger house, more clients, a more fulfilling career. We want more self-care, more time for ourselves, less obligation, less exhaustion.
And yet – it seems we’re unwilling to shine the light where it’s dark, so we can clearly see what’s really causing the problem. And then do something about it.
Which discomfort is going to serve us in the long run?
- The discomfort of staying where we are, and recreating, again and again, the (unwanted) results we have in our lives?
- the discomfort of shining a light into the darkness, and making some discoveries about ourselves?
To shine the light in the uncomfortable places we need:
- A safe space
It’s not easy to give those to ourselves with our most difficult patterns. We might need another human being to bring that to our healing.