I hope the first quote made you smile — it’s obviously by a comedian. My husband introduced me to Spike Milligan many years ago and while I don’t enjoy all his silly humour, this one sure did make me smile! I find it quite true — how about you? On a bad day, a coffee and slice of cake at a gorgeous coffee shop really does lift my spirits! And if I didn’t have the money to pay for that simple pleasure, I’d feel even more grumpy.
The opposite is of course very true, too… money in itself cannot make us happy. There’s enough research about unhappy, dissatisfied millionaires, and famous stories of extremely rich people who still fear not having enough.
Our Relationship with Money is an ‘inside job’
You might know that money is not my usual topic. My go-to’s are Introversion, HSPs, EFT, Strengths, and Health.
I want to acknowledge straight off the bat that I know this topic can bring up a lot. If you know tapping (EFT), I’d invite you to start tapping straight away as you read this. If you don’t know EFT, you could even put your hand on your heart and breathe a little slower and deeper, or use any other stress-relieving tool you know about. There are 2 videos at the end of the article to show you how to use tapping.
These days, I use any opportunity to use EFT to clear some of my distress over different topics so I can face life without all the heavy baggage. And I’d love to invite you to do the same. If ‘money’ is a topic you want to work on, I’ll mention some ways that could be helpful towards the end of the article.
Okay, ready? Start tapping!
Attachment and layers of our money stories
I think one of the keys here is from Pope Francis in the quote above: when we are attached to it — that’s when the ‘pawpaw strikes the fan’, as the saying goes in South Africa. That’s when money (and power and pride) can become a harmful thing.
Attachment to anything can lead to disappointment, unmet expectations, heartache, sadness, grief, so many other painful emotions. That’s what the spiritual masters all mention… when we are less attached and walk the middle road about anything, suffering can decrease.
Painful stories and programming about money
The topic of money can press our deepest, most painful buttons. We all have lifetimes of programming around it. Shame, disgust, guilt, anger, distaste, envy, jealousy, painful stories, guilt, blame, victimhood, joy, happy memories. Oh boy, the list goes on.
I mention some of my own experiences here, in case it resonates with you.
I’ve had to work hard on my own programming about money, growing up in a family where there wasn’t a lot. We had to save and squeeze the last drop out of everything, and felt constricted and guilty about spending. I’ve done a lot of work on this topic to be able to charge decent fees for the work I hold dear. (And decent for me, might be paltry for one person, and extortionate for another.)
I’ve also had to make peace with: if I don’t charge for my work, I will need to get a ‘j-o-b’, and thus help no-one with it. On the other hand, my heart constricts and hurts when I think of the many people I’d love to help, who cannot afford to pay.
I also know that if my own finances are healthy, I’m able to offer help and support to others in more ways. If I’m battling to survive myself, it’s less likely that I’ll be able to give to others.
More questions than answers
How do we get to have healthy finances, while still being generous? Such a complex topic, right?
What are your beliefs about money? Do they help or hinder your progress with what you want to do with your precious life?
Asking that question even after all the processing I’ve done, I feel some resistance — even distaste — rise for me. Thoughts like:
“It isn’t all about money, you know?!” or even “WHY does it always come down to money?” or what I’ve heard from many other heart-centred service providers “I HATE that money must enter the conversation, I wish I could do my work for free.”
The money system
The truth is… life on earth requires money, for the way the systems are set up now. For sure, there might be better and different ways to exchange something for other people’s goods and services… but right here, right now, we’re inside this system, until it can change. And I don’t see that happen for many years.
Until then, each of us must live in this system as best we can, for now.
Poverty in many countries
I spent 5 weeks over Christmas in South Africa where there are vast amounts of poverty. There’s an enormous contrast between what I see here in the UK, and what I see every time I’m in South Africa.
The unemployment rate is huge in SA — something like 32% (and that includes only people actively looking for employment, not those who have lost hope or are self-employed earning a pitiful living.) Youth unemployment is around 50%. Those are staggering figures and evidence of this hardship can be seen everywhere. It’s truly heart-breaking for me, and harder every time I go back.
I want to make a difference when I’m there… but the needs are so great, it doesn’t feel enough. I had wonderful conversations with Lovemore from Zimbabwe on my beach walks and some of the ways I try to make a difference, is to recommend others and their work. It costs me nothing to do that, only a few minutes.
Our basic needs
The bottom line: We need money to meet our basic needs. Life after the pandemic seems to have got even harder for many — and that includes our income.
When our income is affected, our nervous systems feel it very keenly! Every stressful thought in us gets activated because ‘no money — no security, no food = death’.
My thoughts, prayers, compassion are with every single person who’s experiencing money hardship. I’ve been there too with loads of debt at one point, having to make a new start after a divorce, and the sick feeling of ‘How will I pay all my bills?’.
I’ve been more fortunate than millions of others that I’ve always had a roof and a meal… and I also know the awful stress of feeling completely unsafe about the future.
Opportunities to work with the topic of money
So even though this is not the usual topic I usually write about, I’ve come to the peaceful place that if my sharing is helpful for one person, it will have served a purpose. I’m just the channel here — may something helpful find you through this article.
Money can be a tough subject with so many angles and layers. And potentially a lot of room for growth for each of us.
Two ways to work with the energy of money and your relationship with it:
One: Read Helpful Books
Two of my favourites on the subject are:
(1) Tosha Silver: It’s not your Money.
It’s a profoundly helpful book with many practical and spiritual ideas, beautiful affirmations and processes to support your inner work around money.
(2) Margaret M Lynch: Tapping into Wealth
This book has loads of tapping guidance and ‘scripts’ about the topic of money. Scripts are not the best way to go about using EFT tapping just because we’re all unique and no script will suit everyone. But if you don;t know where to start, this will be extremely helpful.
Two: EFT tapping
Write down your thoughts and feelings about money, including about anything in this article. And then use tapping to discharge some or all of that. For me, it feels like a life-long practice. We get over one layer, and then another deeper one might show up. And so, we get to grow, drop unnecessary baggage, and experience more freedom. More freedom, more lightness, more delight and joy.
If you don’t know how to tap, follow one of the below videos, while you tune into your feelings about money.
How to get relief from stress through silent EFT tapping
EFT Quick Tapping Tip: Silent Tapping
Invitation:
Let me know your most troublesome money thoughts, and I will make an EFT video on the topic!
