What’s wrong versus what’s right

Most people I talk to don’t realise they have gifts, strengths, and talents to offer the world. Most clients arrive in my office because of all the things ‘wrong’ with them. Many people spend years in therapy letting go of all the layers of judgment, shame, and low self-esteem.

I find it sad that we’re not shown what’s right about us at an early age. Yet we are often told and shown what’s wrong and where we should improve.

I’m aware it doesn’t help to blame anyone. It’s the current paradigm, and what happened to me, too — until I discovered my talents and strengths through a beautiful coach-friend in 2013.

Pivotal moment

It was one of the pivotal moments of my life and absolutely eye-opening to realise that some of the qualities I’d judged and tried to get away from in myself, were strengths — if I could learn to use them effectively.

After that profound experience of starting to see parts of myself in a completely different light, I decided to train as a Strengths coach, too. It was so enlightening (lightening the burden of all the ‘what’s wrong with me’ stuff, and helping me to see myself in a different light) that I wanted to offer that experience to others, too.

It’s been incredibly joyful to see my clients’ faces light up when we talk about their Strengths report. Especially when I ask them where they use their talents already, it’s so clear: Their energy suddenly comes alive, a light shines from their eyes, their body looks taller and straighter, and they also feel stronger to tackle difficult things.

The opposite usually happens in normal life. Well-meaning parents told us “No, not this way” for years. Teachers gave us red marks and told us where to improve. Colleagues and bosses point out where we go wrong, and even positive feedback is often clouded by a “Yes, but here’s the opportunity to grow and brush up.”

And we feel more burdened by alllll the things we still need to change about ourselves.

Consider this instead:

What if there’s already so much right with you? What if you simply don’t know yet about the beautiful gifts that you have? What if you have nowhere to learn about them — so you think they don’t exist?

For a moment, think about something easy for you, yet others struggle with. Then, think of what you struggle with, yet others find it easy. It’s not just a one-way street.

A Unique Fish

We each have a set of unique talents. When we use them, we feel energized, creative, happy, uplifted, strong… like life is easy and wonderful.

We’re like a fish in the water, though… a fish is so used to the water that it has no idea it’s there.

We’re the same with our talents. We don’t even notice we have any because they’re just so ‘normal’… they’re just that easy thing we do. Unremarkable to us, so we don’t give it any attention. And we assume that it’s easy for others, too.

And that’s where we make the mistake. What’s easy for us, is not necessarily so for others.

A Personal Example

Working and ‘being with’ emotions is a complete joy and energizer for me, while for my sister or husband, it would be hard work, awfully sapping and draining. They’d hate doing it.

My husband thrives on working with numbers and data, making sense of it and producing awesome graphs and reports for his clients. While for me — even though I was a computer programmer for 8 years — it sends me into an anxious panic to have to figure out that stuff, and I suffer a headache very quickly. (No wonder I’m not a programmer anymore!)

And my sister loves jumping in with practical solutions, arranging elements in just the right way so the solution is easy and usable. While the energy drains right out of me when that’s required of me.

A Poem About Your Gifts

As I wrote recently, a dear friend of mine is very ill in hospital. Bennie’s illness had me reconnect with people I’d lost touch with. I was talking with a wonderfully gifted man and mutual friend on Zoom, when he recited parts of this poem. I was instantly in tears… it was deeply touching to hear a timeless truth in these beautiful, poetic words in his Irish accent.

Have you Delivered your Cargo?

I wanted to share this with you because maybe you’ve forgotten you have cargo to deliver.  It’s only 3.5 minutes long.

The full poem is underneath the Youtube video. It’s my sincere hope that you take these words into your heart and remember how much you can give a hungry world.

How to Discover Your Own Gifts and Cargo

Here are a few ideas if you don’t know your own precious cargo yet.

One:

Ask friends and family to describe what they notice is easy for you. We keep forgetting — what’s easy for us is not easy for everyone else. Let others shine the light there for you, because we’re notoriously bad at noticing our gifts. It’s too ‘normal’, and we discount it.

Two:

As you go about your daily life, notice when and where you are at your most energized. When do you feel like you could do that thing forever, or you want to do it again? When did you feel happy after an activity or task? I’m talking in all activities — home, work, family, relationships, vacation, everywhere.

Three:

What activities, work situations, personal projects do you look forward to? Does it involve a particular person, a particular type of activity, a particular place or environment? Time of day? Groups or individuals? Notice the specifics, it matters.

Four:

Read any of these articles for a bit more clarity on the above points:

It Turned my World Upside Down
Do you know the SIGNs of your Strengths?
How CliftonStrengths can help Relationships
Does talking energize or drain you? (a very long article, especially for introverts)

Five:

Do a CliftonStrengths assessment, which points you in the direction of strengths as well as weakness.

💡💡💡 SideNote:

a Strength is something that makes you feel strong, NOT something you’re good at! Similar — a weakness is something you do that makes you feel weak, NOT something you’re bad at!

We can be good at something yet hate it, in which case that’s a weakness.

Please don’t leave your Gallup Strengths report in the drawer if you completed the Assessment. Reading that report can seem dry and academic. Most people struggle to see or feel themselves in it.

Instead, contact a Strengths coach (there are many, including me) to have a discussion about what your report means, where your gifts are already showing up and how to use them even more.

I can’t tell you how often people have said “Reading that report meant nothing to me, but you made it come alive. I saw myself for the first time.”

My wish for you:

I hope and trust that you’ll be inspired by the poem to find and deliver your own precious Cargo to the hungry of this world!