Dismissing our blessings

Have you noticed how easy it is for us to discount what we already have , in favour of ‘what will make me happy sometime in the future’?

Over the past two weeks, I noticed a few times how many things I had wished for in the past were already true for me. What’s more… I realised how easily I disregarded them.

When I go on my daily walk at different times, I see other people going for their walks, too. Sometimes I think, “I wish I could have a more flexible life where I could go for a long walk whenever I choose.”

That’s a ridiculous thought to have… because 30 seconds after, I realise that’s what I am doing already. Most days, I can be flexible with my walking time.

Recently (while recovering from a bout of Covid), I spent less time at my computer and went for longer, but slower walks. It was especially lovely in the middle of the day, when I felt like being outside instead of stuck to a piece of technology.

Again, I could only shake my head and wonder why it’s so easy to forget how many wishes have already showed up in my life.

It turns out, it has everything to do with survival and there’s nothing wrong with us when this happens. We’re not ‘super negative’ — we’re just completely normal!

Our Brain’s Job

Our brains are designed to keep us safe. Staying secure helps us survive. The brain’s main focus isn’t happiness. It’s more about safety. Certain features in our brains help with this, but they can also make us less happy by focusing on problems.

Three Features of the brain designed for Safety and Survival

#1: Negativity Bias

First, there’s something called negativity bias. Our brains pay more attention to bad things than good ones. I heard this first from Rick Hanson: “Bad events or news stick in our minds like Velcro, while good things slide off like Teflon”. This is because remembering bad or painful stuff helps us avoid danger in the future.

#2: Hedonic Adaptation

Next, we have hedonic adaptation. We quickly get used to good things, so they stop making us as happy over time. For example, eating cake every day won’t feel as wonderful after a while. Our brains crave new experiences for that happy feeling (and there are reasons for craving new experiences that also go back to survival!)

#3: Affect Forecasting

Lastly, there’s affect forecasting. This is when our brains try to predict how we’ll feel about future events based on how we’re feeling now. We’re often wrong about this. We might think we’ll hate that get-together next week (because we’re anxious now). However — consider how often you thought you wouldn’t like something, and then enjoyed it after all.

Our brains are notoriously bad at predicting how we’ll experience something in the future. It takes into account a single piece of information, forgetting all the other options and circumstances that will also be in the mix.

What does this mean for us?

For a start, it means we have more insight into how our brains work and why… and we can let go of thinking that ‘we’re just being negative’. An insight in itself can be healing.

And I think even more useful than that is — what will we DO with this information now?

Partly, these brain traits mean we need tools to handle stress and difficult feelings better. By doing so, we can reduce the negativity bias and affect forecasting, and enjoy positive experiences more fully.

This way, we can find more joy and happiness over the long term.

How do we reduce the negativity bias and affect forecasting?

If you know me, you might’ve guessed I’m about to mention EFT now!

Emotional Freedom Techniques (plural because there are many techniques inside this modality) is a wonderful and simple way to help us to reduce difficult emotions like anger, anxiety, sadness, fear, loss, aggravation, heaviness, regret, envy, jealousy, resentment and so many others. It is especially important for HSPs (Highly Sensitve People) and other sensitive souls, to release the heaviness. We process things in ‘High Definition’ and when we don’t release the heaviness, it can affect us more than less sensitive people. That’s not a judgment, it’s just a simple fact.

“Importantly, although highly sensitive people are more likely to struggle under stressful circumstances, they are also especially receptive to positive and supportive experiences. Those who are low in sensitivity, on the other hand, tend to be more resilient when facing adversity but also benefit less from positive experiences.” (from SensitivityResearch.com)

Last week I used EFT for 5 minutes on my busiest client day. I felt nauseous, had vertigo, didn’t sleep well, and was feeling despondent because of the long day ahead with very little energy in my tank.

I explain in the video how we can use EFT very simply for self-care in just a few minutes.

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So how does EFT help us to notice our blessings?

We can use EFT for daily self-care, and for deeper work to clear out limiting beliefs that hold us back from living our best lives. The latter is slower, deeper work and often requires EFT training or support from a practitioner.

EFT is simple to use and can help reduce negativity bias and affect forecasting. It helps us to feel safer as we reduce the charge around difficult experiences. And that means we can recognise and enjoy the many blessings showing up for us every day.