If you don’t know what the marvelous method of EFT (tapping) is, start by finding out what it EFT is here.
Many people do not know that tapping along with others’ emotional issues, can help reduce their own. It’s called “Borrowing Benefits” with EFT.
I’ve heard so many times from clients “I want to tap between sessions, but I don’t know what to say!”
There are many ways to approach this challenge. One of them is to switch on a recording of someone else tapping (or your own session recording) and then tap along yourself!
Here’s how it works:
- Decide what you want to work with (have freedom from) through EFT.
- Tune in to the issue (problem, emotion, past event, future event, current circumstances) as best you can.
- Rate how strong your emotion or discomfort is about it, on a scale of 0-10. We call this the SUDS (Subjective Unit of Discomfort).
- Jot down a few words and the SUDS on a piece of paper so you can refer to it later.
- Switch on a recording of a tapping session with someone else.
- Briefly tune in to your own issue again (your notes from no 4 are handy here).
- Then forget about your own issue and tap along with t.he person in the video or audio, using their words, whatever they are tapping for
- Every time there’s a pause (where they might take a breath and tune into their own discomfort to report a 0-10 number):
- Take a breath
- Tune into your own issue again
- Rate your own intensity (0-10)
- Continue to tap with them again (no 7 above)
By the end of such a tapping session, you’ll usually notice a significant downward shift in your own SUDS, about your own issue.
Closed eyes or open eyes?
I don’t think it makes a difference. As long as you listen to and use their words, and tap along the whole time. Try out one way, then the other. Some people might find closed eyes better to tune out external visuals, so they can focus on feelings in the body better. Others need the visual to stay focused. There’s no one right way to do it. Experiment!
Do I have to feel their feelings about their issue?
No, not at all. However, because we all have mirror neurons, our brains are able to internally (without you noticing) make the connections between for instance their sadness, and places in your issue that you might feel sadness (or other emotion). We are more connected than we realise, on so many levels.
The same happens when you see someone else walk into a lamppost or stub their toe. There’s an internal “ugh – that hurt!” If you’re particularly empathic, you may even feel a sensation somewhere in your body. Your mirror neurons responded and created the connections.
Borrowing benefits work the same way. Watching or hearing someone tap about their issue, makes the connections in your own brain without you having to try.
Remember the EFT mantra!
In order to be terrific, we have to be specific!
Choose a specific event. Choose a specific emotion. Choose a specific ‘look in someone’s eye. A specific ‘here’s what I made it mean’ (eg” I’m dumb”). A specific sensation in the body.
Get the SUDS of the thing you’re choosing to work with. Then put it aside and focus on the person in the love seat. Then rate that same emotion, event or visual again.
If it doesn’t work for you, there are a few things to tweak. Try the above first – get specific.
Many tapping groups use this exact formula
One person receives the individual attention, while the others in the group tap along with that person.
Every person in the group focused on and rated their own issue before the tapping started, and then put it aside while tapping with the individual who is in the ‘love seat’. Their own SUDS come down and issues can disappear even through this form of group tapping.
Is it the same as group tapping ?
There’s a slight difference between Borrowing Benefits and group tapping, though they both occur in a group setting.
Group tapping is when there’s a leader who leads everyone in the group through tapping rounds. Everyone uses the same words, out loud, while they each focus on their own issue.
It can be used very effectively for instance for cravings (“Even though I have this craving”), parts work (“Even though I have this harsh Inner Critic that makes me feel bad”), a particular emotion (“Even though I feel this anger”) and so on.
In Borrowing Benefits, one person receives deeper attention. The EFT rounds follow what they share, and how they shift, and rounds are adapted for the individual. Everyone else tunes in to their own issue only for a brief time and then puts all their attention on the other person.
In group tapping, no-one receives special attention. Everyone taps together using the same words while tuning in to their own issue. Following tapping rounds might be adjusted when the group leader asks for feedback or shifts.
If you ever think again “I need to tap for this problem, but I don’t know what to say”, find an EFT session (your own session recording or a group you were part of), and use the steps above.
There will almost always be a shift. You might even discover different aspects (pieces) of your own problem as you listen to the tapping with the other person.
We are much more connected than we think. I see this so often in my own groups. Group members report how someone else’s tapping gave them an insight into a part of their own issue that they were not aware of before.
Try it! It’s helpful.
Ways that I’ve personally used Borrowing Benefits:
- If I feel sick and can’t muster the mental energy to think what to tap for. I tune into my symptoms, how I feel about them, and where they are in the body, and then tap along with someone else.
- If there’s an issue that feels too big to tackle, I briefly focus on it (without going into too much detail) and then use Borrowing Benefits for it. At the very least, it takes the edge off.
- If there’s an issue I’ve worked on with a practitioner and there are pieces left, I can switch on the recording again and focus on that last piece, and tap along.
I host tapping groups every month. Some of them use only group tapping, while others use Borrowing Benefits. My monthly classes usually focus on a single topic (like The Inner Critic or Self-Care). In my borrowing benefits groups, people can bring various issues and still receive beneficial tapping.
Other articles about borrowing benefits:
Many people have written about this, including Gary Craig, originator of EFT. Here are a few:
Enquire here if you have a question. I answer personally.
Liesel helps sensitive introverts to see their sensitivity as a superpower, love their work and practice awesome self-care so they can be energized and make a difference in a meaningful and fulfilling way. She helps them to overcome the fear of being visible, avoiding the spotlight and conflict, being ‘too nice’, perfectionism and procrastination.
She’s the author of “No Problem. The Upside of Saying No”, which is a handbook for those who struggle to say no, are overwhelmed and exhausted.
Click here to read about the book.