It’s always been hard for me to ask for help. Coupled with how hard it is for me to “say no”, I often feel isolated and like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders.
All self-induced, absolutely. And still a challenge to drop those deep core patterns we all have in different areas of our lives.
I recently started expanding my business from serving clients only in my office, to increasing my reach online. I’m in the process of creating courses and programs that clients can receive via email for home-study. Later this year, a free Teleseminar Series is on the cards, plus a new series of books on Goal Achievement. As well as a few other projects in between.
With all these plans I suddenly realized my dreams could stay exactly where they are – in the realm of dreams – if I don’t get help. It all started looking impossible to do, my to-do list grew by the minute and the sense of overwhelm that descended every time I sat down at my computer was enough to send me to the Sahara desert, away from all technology.
Have you ever felt like this?
Our dreams (especially if they’re big) can sound blissfully wonderful to achieve and when it comes down to devising a strategy, scheduling action steps AND jumping into action and getting things done, the temptation is to falter, hesitate, struggle… and then give up on the dream. It’s part of the human condition to hesitate when we don’t know “how” we’re going to get that goal yet.
This time, I decided, I’m doing it. With help. No more struggling for me, thank you.
In October 2013 I started actioning my dreams by attending a 6 week Bootcamp called Become a Celebrity Author. With about 30 other people from all over the world, I learnt wonderful new skills, technology and techniques to increase the reach for my book. Like all authors, I discovered that books don’t leap into customers hands by themselves. Something like 41,000 (forty one THOUSAND) new books are published every day. That’s astounding and any book can disappear in the masses if no-one knows it’s there.
During that 6 week period, the information we received plus the homework was sometimes overwhelming. I admit if it wasn’t for the group interaction, and support from fellow group members, and the fact that I made a commitment to finish it, I could easily have given up and said “It’s too much, in too short space of time, I can’t keep up, I’ll finish it later”.
I’ve done it before and it doesn’t feel good. I know so many others who (like me) have a NUMBER of courses lying unused on hard-drives, or DVD’s tucked away for “when I have time”. In case you haven’t noticed yet, our lives don’t get any less busy. More time never arrives.
After the 6 week course had finished, we had the opportunity to decide whether to continue working with our incredible mentor in a small, select group of 10, for another 3 months. This would give us the opportunity to implement all we’d learnt in the previous 6 weeks, to make the information a solid part of our business.
I trembled in my sandals when I heard the dollar figure for this continuation “Mastery Circle”. I had to fish out the money from unlikely sources and felt a little scared and sick when I clicked the Paypal button.
I’m delighted to report, now 6 weeks into the Mastery circle, that I am incredibly grateful that I took this huge risk. I call it a risk because it is easy to give up when the going gets tough towards a goal. I’d done it before, like 5 billion other people. “This is too hard, I’ll just drop it. I’ll pick another easier goal. “
I want to share a few things I’ve learnt from this experience:
- It’s worth the money in GOLD to pay someone for guidance and mentoring. Some of the work we’ve covered is of such a nature that I could have spent another 3 years trying to figure this out on my own. Now, I receive guidance from someone who’s already done it. And she can tell me the short cut.
- When I pay good money (as in, a large amount that had me gasp when I first heard it), there is a part of me inside that sits up and says “Wow. She means business. This is going to be one heck of a ride!”
- That part makes SURE I get the work done, on time, even though I’m tired or fed-up, and would normally have said “Stuff this, I’m reading a book now”.
- Procrastination, laziness and “not feeling like doing it now it” is a non-issue. The fact that I invested a large sum of money helps me to get past many, many obstacles I would have otherwise faced. I don’t want to waste my money by not being part of the game.
- The fact that I paid someone, makes it far easier for me to say to my mentor “Please help! I don’t know what to do next”. I don’t feel like I owe her in some other way that may be “cashed in” by her at a later stage when it may not be convenient for me. Payment has been handled. No dues owed.
- I don’t feel lonely with the struggles. When I start struggling or feel overwhelmed, I simply put my hand up and say “I need help”. This person has said to me several times “I’ve got your back”. You have no idea how reassuring that is when I most need it!
- I am accomplishing so much in a short space of time. Our group interaction is incredibly supportive, everyone is working towards their own goals and dreams, and we’re supporting each other with feedback, input, encouragement and ideas. The group interaction is part of the mentoring program – so not only do I receive guidance from a seasoned expert – when I ask a question in the group, everyone else gets a chance to learn from my experience. And vice versa. When someone else asks a question, I get the chance to learn from it before I have to struggle with that thing. It’s powerful.
- When we pay with our own hard earned money, we commit totally to the process. Often when we pay only a little bit, or get something for free, there’s a little voice that says “So what if I give up. I’m not going to lose much anyway”.
I have seen the same type of thing happen for my clients. When someone makes an appointment for a once-off session and says “I just want to see whether it works before I commit”, I have a very good idea what results they can expect (keeping an open mind, of course).
In a similar way, when a client makes the commitment to a series of sessions, their results are awesome. They immerse themselves in their homework and participate fully in the sessions. Their eyes SHINE when they come to the next session because they can see, hear and feel their lives changing.
If you have been considering a big goal, and it kind of scares you, or you think that it’s not possible for you, or you’ve been struggling with it for a while…. I urge you to take the leap and get a coach, mentor or guide. Someone to walk the road with you, and especially someone who’s done what you want to do. That someone will understand your struggles and frustrations, be able to show you shortcuts, support you through the mountainous areas and celebrate with you when you forget that celebration for the tiniest win is crucial.
I recently wrote a post on Facebook about this topic. Here’s what one of my friends said:
“ I’ve gone the DIY route Liesel, and am SO profoundly grateful for how easy my life is now that I’ve invested in myself all these years. I have a health team, a business coaching team and a team that takes over the maintenance of my home and car. Having all that literally manifests the funds to pay them plus so much more. I’ll never go back to the DIY struggle…too sweet without all that stress!” (Maryam Webster)
Life is worth living, it’s precious to follow and achieve your dreams. We don’t have to struggle alone. What’s hard for you may be incredibly easy for another person. Get help from a person who loves doing what you struggle with. Pay for it. It’s worth it over and over!
Liesel helps sensitive introverts to see their sensitivity as a superpower, love their work and practice awesome self-care so they can be energized and make a difference in a meaningful and fulfilling way. She helps them to overcome the fear of being visible, avoiding the spotlight and conflict, being ‘too nice’, perfectionism and procrastination.
She’s the author of “No Problem. The Upside of Saying No”, which is a handbook for those who struggle to say no, are overwhelmed and exhausted.
Click here to read about the book.