Have you ever doubted your progress in the past? Let’s say you’re making changes in your close relationships or career and it feels hard. You might think “This is TOO difficult; I’m not making any progress so I’ll go back to the way I used to be!”
I want to encourage you today and mention that I’ve discovered recently, through personal experience, that making changes or progress in one area of your life can have surprising benefits in another.
Have you considered the possibility that the changes you’ve been practicing is actually showing up somewhere ELSE in your life?
What’s this Visibility Thing?
I’ve been practicing being more ‘visible’ in Facebook groups for the past 2 months. And boy, it’s hard for me. This introvert much prefers the backseat row, watching life unfold from a bit of a distance – instead of being on the front lines, showing up and having the attention focused on me.
You might understand this ‘visibility’ story if you have your own business and need to do some marketing for it. We can be the best *whatever* in the world (coach, beautician, therapist, change agent, event manager) but if no-one knows we exist, how’s that going to work for business?
Empty diary + empty bank account = no business.
I’ve been using reframes and affirmations from my adorable business coach Kushla, to help me create a new, positive mind-set around this. It is definitely starting to feel a bit easier to show up in groups, post some valuable content and even do Facebook Lives.
To be honest, resistance is still coming up. Long-standing patterns ingrained in our subconscious minds, often linked to fears (however silly they might seem), do not usually just disappear overnight.
Yes, they can disappear quickly. I’ve seen it and experienced it and sometimes, we talk ourselves RIGHT BACK into the small room at the back of the house, where we feel cramped, contracted yet somehow a little safer.
Here’s the thing!
A few weeks ago we had really bad service in a restaurant. The food was below standard. There were various mistakes – like OLIVES instead of mushrooms in the dry, rubbery omelette (imagine the shock to the taste buds!), burnt toast and others.
Usually I leave this stuff to Andrew. Usually, when he does the talking I want to run and hide because it feels SO uncomfortable. My peace-loving nature has a total freak-out when the possibility of conflict is in the air and I usually feel rather glum after such an incident because my thoughts are “Andrew should’ve been MUCH kinder in the way he said it!”
Well, I guess things can change more than we think is possible. On this occasion, with the rubber-egg-olive-taste still fresh on my tongue, I said to him “Please let me handle it!” – fully intending to be super kind and considerate, and letting them gently off the hook, as usual.
Boy, when I opened my mouth, I couldn’t believe the honest facts and feelings that came out. I was astounded at what I had just said. Normally I would kind of hint at a problem – but this time it was straight shooting from the hip!! Not shouting, no anger – just plainly stating the truth of the matter, with no guilt. Actually, I wish I could have seen my own face. ?
This is a big deal!
Yep, I still had a hectic beating heart afterwards and I literally had to tap (EFT tapping) to calm it down, right there in the restaurant. I don’t care anymore what people think – everyone is staring at their mobile in any case! It felt amazing to have spoken my truth.
Really, this is a big deal. If you know me, and how I struggle with conflict (maybe you do too?), you’ll get it.
My thoughts straight after this incident were “Thank you Kushla for helping me to change this!!”
Can I prove that it’s the work with Kushla around being more visible, and being willing to speak my truth, that brought about this change for me?
Do I have a very strong intuition that it has a correlation?
We did some tapping (EFT) in a session to release some of my fears around showing up, speaking my truth, putting myself ‘out there’, feeling afraid of criticism or rejection. And a couple of days later, I was eating rubber-egg on burnt toast and not keeping quiet; not being afraid of rejection, able to speak my truth.
Our core issues, I know for sure, has tentacles everywhere in our lives. When we change the hold that our core limiting beliefs have on us, it will show up not only in the place where we THOUGHT they were strongest or the area that we WANTED to change. It will also show up in every other area of our lives, where that subconscious belief was playing a role. We can’t even begin to guess where the results could come out and surprise us – because there are parts that we are simply not even aware of. We’re in our own blind spot, so to speak.
Here’s my question to you today:
In which area of your life is there an opportunity for you to change something (a belief, a habit, a pattern) that can have an effect in other areas of your life?
What beliefs are still holding you back? Where do you feel limited?
Fear of conflict? Fear of being rejected? Fear of criticism? Perfectionism? Procrastination?
Realise that changing your energy around any one fear (rational or not), will have far-reaching, freeing effects in many areas of your life.
The excellent book The Power of Habit: Why We Do what we Do and How to Change That, talks about the Keystone habits. If we can make progress with those, MANY areas of our lives can improve at the same time.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.
What issue would you like to change? How would it impact your life in a positive way?
Liesel helps sensitive introverts to see their sensitivity as a superpower, love their work and practice awesome self-care so they can be energized and make a difference in a meaningful and fulfilling way. She helps them to overcome the fear of being visible, avoiding the spotlight and conflict, being ‘too nice’, perfectionism and procrastination.
She’s the author of “No Problem. The Upside of Saying No”, which is a handbook for those who struggle to say no, are overwhelmed and exhausted.
Click here to read about the book.