I used to suffer from comparisonitis….
I had a dear friend who was a coach and I was desperately trying to become a ‘kick-ass’ coach, like she was. She got incredible action-results with her clients. I kept pushing myself to be more like her, because I admired her and what she accomplished.
The problem is I compared and despaired…. Because I could just not be like her. Desperately as I was trying, I failed. That lead to judging myself, anxiety (trying to be what I was not) and so much unhappiness.
Where does comparisonitis show up for you? Or trying to be something you’re not? At work? With friends? With a colleague?
How happy do you feel when you keep trying, and you just can’t do it like ‘they’ can (whoever ‘they’ are, and whatever ‘it’ is?)
There’s a solution for all of this unnecessary suffering.
“Be yourself. All others are already taken.”
Oscar Wilde
I was given this quote many years ago by a beautiful mentor and EFT Master, Ann Ross. I loved it, and yet, I couldn’t quite take it in or embrace. I couldn’t act on it. I didn’t know how!
Until I discovered my unique strengths in 2013. My whole world changed in a positive way. I could start seeing and loving my uniqueness, and discovered I didn’t need to be a kick-ass coach, ever. That’s not my strength. It was my friends’, and I’ll never be able to coach her way. Thank goodness, because there are people who need my way of working gently with pain and trauma.
The same is available to you. Relaxing into being you, understanding what is authentic for you, and living your life that way, brings such relief, enjoyment and peace.
Discovering your Strengths is for you if you:
- compare yourself with others (and judge yourself for not being able to do things their way)
- try to be like others who you admire, and feel anxious and exhausted from the effort
- are stuck in a career you don’t love, or might even despise
- feel underutilized or bored at work
- haven’t found your passion
- lack confidence
- have a desire to start loving yourself exactly as you are
- want to understand your behaviour (and possibly those around you)
- don’t want to waste your precious life anymore on things that are not in alignment for you
People who know and use their strengths find that they
- love their work more, or find work they love
- know exactly which tasks to delegate and which to perform themselves
- know whether they’re best with ‘starting’ or ‘completing’ a project and let go of the guilt about not being able to do both
- stop blaming and/or forcing themselves to plough through what they don’t enjoy
- relax about and enjoy the differences between people
- are energized, enthusiastic and highly engaged in their work and relationships
- have much more confidence
- know they’re unique, and LOVE it, which builds self-esteem and self-worth
- are happier, more positive and more fulfilled
- trust their strong qualities to reliably show up for them when they go through tough times
- are aware of their weaker points and manage them well, without feeling there’s something wrong with them
- appreciate their qualities that may have been undervalued or even labelled before
- inspire others and stand out like beacons of hope and motivation
- perceive themselves and others in a positive, appreciative light
- know their purpose and live purposefully
- make great career choices
- live life in an authentic way
How we Work Together
We’ll have a 20 minute complimentary conversation so I can ask a few questions around what you most need from Strengths work. I’ll make a recommendation on whether it would be better for you to choose to start with your Top 5 Strengths ($19), or your Full 34 Strengths ($49). You’ll then go off and complete the 40 minute Assessment, and then we can start your exciting strengths discovery journey together.
For your top 5, we schedule 1-2 sessions, and for a Full 34 we schedule 3-6 sessions.
Why a variation in number of sessions?
Every single person is unique. Some need a bit more time during the session to process through all the information. Some want to go very deeply into their strengths, and discover richness on the way that they also want to discuss. Some need to talk through examples in their own lives. It does happen that someone just wants to “zip” through all of it, but that is rare. Introverts usually love depth. That’s why each journey is unique and I give you a range.
If you already know whether you want a Top 5 or Full 34 Journey, go straight to the bottom of the page and send me an email so we can get you set up.
Watch a video where I walk you through a bit of Strengths background
What we do in Sessions
We most often meet in Zoom (an online technology similar to Skype, with better quality).
Our appointments are 60 minutes in length. Introverts usually adore space to reflect… and that’s why you’ll receive a preparation, as well as a reflection email for every session.
We start with a few important bits of background about Strengths, so you can understand how best to use yours. And then we dive deeply into either your Top 5, or Full 34. I will give you all the information you need to understand each of your strengths in depth, and how they interact with each other.
What’s Different about my Work?
I know some people read their strengths report and then put it in a drawer and never look at it again. After investing the time and money for the Assessment, what a shame! I know some strengths coaches who do a Full 34 Strengths Discussion in 90 minutes. I tried doing that too, and it just didn’t work for me or my clients.
Information by itself doesn’t lead to transformation, does it? Nothing in your life will change if you hear a bit of information that’s “interesting”.
That’s why my sessions don’t stop at information. I want you to be able to apply the stuff, and make it real in your life, so you can be the most ‘You-est you’ possible. (“Be yourself. All others are taken!”)
Therefore, for each of your strengths, I ask thought-provoking questions, to help you see where your strengths are already well and alive, and where they need to come out of hiding. We’ll most likely find places where they’re healthy and strong, and other places where some of them are possibly ‘unhealthy’ (we talk about miss-managing them).
We’ll help you to see that some of your strengths can cause a bit of inner conflict, and how to manage that. You’ll also understand that some of your strengths ‘strengthen’ each other even more – and become like real ‘Super powers’ that you need to manage very well. There’s a double-edged sword there. They’re amazing super powers, and they can also hijack us.
These in-depth discussions, time to reflect on your own life, and patterns you’ve been running unconsciously are deeply, deeply valuable and lead to surprising insights.
So our sessions are so much more than information. It offers you the opportunity to understand your past behaviour, and therefore do things differently going forward. You’ll see patterns emerging, you’ll notice a bigger picture, and how your awesome combination of strengths have such a unique flavour that there’s no way you can ever try to be like anyone else again…
Sometimes we have judgments about some of our qualities. People might have put labels on some of our behaviour in the past, which made us feel bad about that quality. We see it as a weakness now and criticize ourselves when that jumps out. I understand how that happens. And instead of just telling you to stop that (has that ever, ever worked before?) I use my other tools (like EFT) to remove the painful emotional charge of those ‘judgment-events’ so that you can be free of all that ‘stuff’ that sometimes surround our strengths.
Private Coaching Fees
I have different fees for different countries, to be fair. I’m not going to overwhelm you by posting it all here – that’s why we meet to discuss the best one for you.
To give you an idea: For US clients, packages start at $360. For South Africa, it starts at ZAR 2,700. And for the UK it starts at GBP 210.
If you have financial hardship right now, and want to benefit from this empowering work, please do send me an email from the form at the bottom of this page. We’ll get together and discuss options. There are usually two pay-what-you-can slots available, sometimes there is a wait list.
Work with Me
It can be a challenge to figure out whether the Top 5 or Full 34 strengths is your best option. I’m here to assist you with that decision. It’s so useful to start with what’s really going to serve you. I have no agenda in these conversations, other than to help you decide which option is right for you.
If you’re a bit conversation-shy with someone you hardly know (like introverts could be) – please drop me an email from the bottom of this page, so we can get started in a way that’s comfortable for you. State clearly you want to find out about your strengths in the subject.
I look forward to get to know you and celebrate your uniqueness!
Email Me
Send me an email if you have any questions about this work. Make sure to add ‘Strengths’ to the subject. I read and respond personally to each email within 2 working days.